It may seem weird to talk about failure and rejection in writing context as a good thing. But I really want to help you reframe it, because the writing journey is rather long. If you don't enjoy the actual writing process, the writing craft, the journey of building your career and building yourself as an artist and a creator, you're gonna have a tough time because there is so much rejection and failure inherent in that journey.

But if you're like me and you found the writing process is when you come alive and flow, when time disappears and you just feel completely in the zone, that's the thing to chase because that's what makes for a good life. And so, some of these potholes, some of these obstacles, they really can just be fuel for the larger fire.

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transcript for learning from failure

Hi, my name is Mary Kole with Good Story Company. This video is about learning from failure.

Now, I don't know about you all. I have been on a steady diet of Brené Brown about vulnerability, and failure, and "Daring Greatly," and all of that. And so, it may seem weird to talk about failure and rejection in writing context as a good thing but I really want to help you reframe it because the actual writing journey is rather long. There is a lot that goes into having an idea that's gonna have legs, writing a manuscript that is up to par on a craft level, submitting it, getting an agent for that manuscript, getting somebody on board with your whole deal who says, "Yes. I love you. I love what you're putting out there. I love the story." Then, a lot of people don't think about this last leap but getting that yes from a publisher. Not every agented manuscript goes the final mile. In fact, there is a lot of kind of uncertainty and, you know, two steps forward, three steps back when it comes to actually having a writing career and getting a manuscript sold, and then getting it sold in foreign territories or getting an option for film. There are all these benchmarks in a writing career that aren't necessarily as straightforward as you'd like to think when you're still waiting for that first yes, that first acceptance, whether it's from a literary journal, from an agent. So there's a lot of potential failure, rejection, a lot of obstacles, a lot of setbacks that, you know, I'm not trying to bum you out, but it does sort of weave into the story of any writer who has been around for any length of time. There's gonna be rejection. There's gonna be failure.

So, how do we, sort of, reframe failure in a way where it fuels us instead of having us run out of gas? The first thing that a lot of writers are surprised to know is that there are layers of rejection. There are good rejections and meh rejections. So, there are several layers of rejection to think about. One of the things to remember is that a rejection, even if it's a rejection, you know, and it makes you feel bad, can be an open door for a future conversation, especially if the agent has responded personally or the publisher has responded personally. They've given you some feedback. They have said, you know, "Send me your next thing." That is not necessarily a rejection to take to heart and, you know, go eat Ben & Jerry's about. It can be the beginning of a longer conversation that you have with a person. It can be the beginning of an opportunity.

The thing is, most people, when they set out to write a novel, they're like, "Okay. I'm going to take this all the way to the finish line." But the process of writing, the process of revising, the process of submitting, there are lessons in each of those processes that you may learn while kind of taking this manuscript as far as it's gonna go. But this manuscript, even though it was such a huge tool in your evolution as a writer, it may not cross the finish line. There are published writers who have 3, 5, 10-drawer manuscripts that may never see the light of day. Sometimes, when you're published, you can kind of dust off your old portfolio and see if there's anything viable in there that you can kind of convince somebody to publish. That happens all the time too.

But I did a poll of published writers on Kidlit, my children's book writing and publishing blog, and there's an infographic on there. I will put a link in the description for this video, the transcript, where I polled people on how many manuscripts they had written before getting agented, how many manuscripts they had written before getting sold, and a lot of them are more than five. There are people with 10-plus manuscripts that they wrote before they even cracked through that initial ceiling of getting agented or that, you know, secondary ceiling of getting published. So there is a lot to learn from the whole process. And every time you sit down to write, whether you've been rejected, whether you've been accepted...

You know, I follow V.E. Schwab, the author, on social media. And one thing that she really does well is she talks about the anxiety of... She's very outspoken about kind of mental health and the mental health of being an author. She's published, you know, 10, 20 books. The anxiety that comes with writing every new book and it's almost like you're learning how to do it all over again. And it's this idea of like, you know, you never stop feeling unsure of yourself. Even if you have published 25 books and you have a relationship with an editor at a publishing house, that editor might leave, which feels like a rejection or which feels like a failure. Or your book might come out and you might get a terrible Goodreads review, which feels like a rejection and a failure.

So, there's never a time in publishing when that stops, when you don't have days where you feel like you're full of doubt and you don't know what you're doing and you're never going to be able to do this again or a book does really well and then you feel impostor syndrome and you feel like you can't replicate that success. I mean, it just keeps going on and on and on and on. So that's not necessarily the issue. It's kind of how you deal with that.

And, I think, one of the best ways to deal with that is to take all these things as learning experiences, grist for the mill, something to put in the back of your head. If a rejection comes, did they offer any wisdom? You can keep the wisdom and leave the rest. Even if you work with somebody like me, who's a freelance editor, and it's not kind of the glowing review that you would hope for, is there any wisdom there that you can take and you can use and you can sort of keep building your foundation layer by layer by layer? Before you know it, you're gonna be standing taller. And then, some more rejection is gonna come but you can keep building and adding that to your foundation and you're gonna stand even taller.

I mean, the whole point of writing is the journey. It's not necessarily in publication, even though that's what everybody wants. You know, seeing that book in print is gonna be amazing when it happens. But if you don't enjoy the actual writing process, the writing craft, the writing journey, the journey of building your career and building yourself as an artist and a creator, you're gonna have a tough time because there is so much rejection and failure inherent in that journey. So, if you can't kind of take it as grist for the mill, take the lessons, use the lessons, apply the lessons, challenge yourself to learn and grow, it's gonna be a tough ride.

And so, that's kind of all I can hope for in this reframing conversation is sort of, "Yes. There is rejection. Yes. There is failure." How do you turn it into something that helps you keep going rather than stops you? It's okay to stop. It's okay to eat your feelings. It's okay to, you know, throw something in the drawer and forget about it for a couple of months. But if you're like me and you found the thing that makes you come alive, and you found the writing process is where you feel flow, when time disappears and you just feel completely in the zone, that's the thing to chase because that's what makes for a good life if you zoom way, way out. And so, some of these potholes, some of these obstacles, they really can just be fuel for the larger fire. I hope that makes sense.

This is Mary Kole with Good Story Company. Here's to a good story.

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