How to Indicate a Character is Thinking
by Mary Kole | Former literary agent, now a freelance editor, writing teacher, and IP/story developer for major publishers and creators.
We got an excellent comment from a Good Story Learning member, asking how to indicate a character is thinking. He wanted to know if interior thoughts should be set off using italics, quotation marks, or integrated into narration.
How to Indicate a Character is Thinking
For exact verbatim thoughts, italics should be used. This is commonly how to indicate a character is thinking. For instance:
Wow, time has flown by. It's already the middle of January! I guess I ought to get rid of those Thanksgiving leftovers in the fridge, she thought cautiously.
It's not always necessary to add a "thought" tag like you would "said" in dialogue tags after the first few times you use italics for how to indicate a character is thinking—the reader will begin to understand that italics denote thoughts.
But this brings up a larger issue: does interiority always need to be presented as exact verbatim thought, or is it possible to portray it in narration? Are there other options for how to indicate a character is thinking?
My opinion is that interiority can also be part of regular narration—you don't have to stick it in italics and label it as such. To demonstrate what I mean, consider the example below:
Mary looked at the refrigerator and, with a pang of sadness, noticed the Tupperware container filled with congealed gravy in the bottom shelf. Hadn't it just been Thanksgiving? Where had the days gone? It felt like only yesterday they were racing around the house getting ready for the guests and the turkey. Now it was almost time to start thinking about Valentine's Day.
The tone is slightly different here, as we are in third person pov rather than first person pov (the verbatim thought portion of the first example, though it’s still third person narrative). In the first case, the thoughts are directly stated, while in the second, there is a slight step back (otherwise known as “narrative distance”).
The lines "Where had the days gone?" could be presented as a thought, but that's not necessary, as it follows the same voice either way. They are both options for how to indicate a character is thinking.
Mistakes In How to Indicate a Character is Thinking
Can we please put a manuscript moratorium on the following phrases?:
I’m so bored, she thought to herself.
I need a cheeseburger, he thought in his head.
Of course a character thinks something to themselves. They’re the ones thinking it! They don’t think it to someone else unless they can communicate telepathically (in which case this moratorium doesn’t relate to your fantasy writing).
Normally when someone has a thought, it is directed to his or herself. That’s why most verbatim thought and interiority is in first person, even if the narrative is in third. And, usually, unless there’s something creative about their anatomy, character thoughts are in their heads!
That makes logical sense to you, right? So why am I seeing so many characters thinking to themselves? Or thinking in their heads? This is obviously a small pet peeve, but a habit you’ll want to ditch nonetheless.
The correct thing to write would just be “she thought” and “he thought.” Or, better yet, italics and nothing at all. Simple, effective! If ever you find this in your WIP, highlight it and then … press the delete button.
How to Indicate a Character is Thinking With Interiority
At the end of the day, it's ultimately up to you when it comes to formatting interiority and deciding how to indicate a character is thinking. This decision boils down to your personal style and preferences. Personally, I prefer the second example. It looks cleaner on paper instead of having an abundance of italicized words and phrases.
Ultimately, I'm just glad that people are exploring writing interiority and approaching it intentionally. So go ahead and do what feels right for you exploring how to indicate a character is thinking.
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