How to Deal With Negative Criticism
Many writers struggle with how to deal with negative criticism. Not all writing feedback you receive in your lifetime will be “constructive criticism”. Some of it may feel like straight-up criticism criticism, or worse, destructive criticism. Ouch! Here are some thoughts on bouncing back from a devastating writing critique, and what to do next.
(Of course, you can take time to pout, stress-eat, cry in the shower, or whatever it is you need to do. We all react like this to critique that we perceive to be tough or unfair. The only thing I wouldn’t advise is giving up. Everything other coping mechanism, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, is fair game.)
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Take the Wisdom, Leave the criticism
The important thing to realize about any writing feedback from a critique partner, beta reader, paid editor, literary agent, or publisher is that there may be a kernel of truth to it, even if you don’t like what’s being said. Take a few days to marinate with the feedback and see if any part of it strikes you as valid. This can be the most difficult part of bouncing back, because it asks you to look at your work in a different light. Our creative writing is our heart and soul on the page, so we often can’t stand to see it ripped apart.
But there was a reason you reached out for critique in the first place: To get a second set of eyes on work. Writers are notoriously awful at having an objective viewpoint of their own writing. So remember that you did reach out for feedback for a reason.
At the very worst, you can take this tough critique, process what feels fair and wise to you, then discard the rest. Just make sure you’re not throwing away good advice for an emotional reason, or to reject the critique provider because you feel they’ve somehow rejected you. If the criticism is just entirely off-base, find the nuggets of truth, then agree to disagree.
Find What Feels True
Writers have strong intuitions—but our curse is that we doubt ourselves. Maybe the critique is resonating so much with you because it echoes something you’ve always thought about the project, but were too afraid or uncertain to express. If this is the case, there may be something to the feedback that’s really worth considering more closely. You can put the notes away and come back to them when you’re calmer. Then, you may find that there really is work to do, and that the critique can be a good source of support.
If you think you and the critique partner are almost connecting about something, feel free to ask for clarification—as long as you can do it without coming across as defensive.
A good example is:
That thing you said about Sarah’s characterization is really interesting. Can you give me a few more examples of where she could be more vulnerable?
A bad example is:
I totally made her vulnerable on pages 42, 183, and 230. Isn’t that enough?
The second example has a question mark in it, sure, but do you see how it shuts down the conversation, rather than fostering it? The first question is much more likely to yield interesting conversation. Maybe your sparring partner can turn into a writing partner with a little more prodding. This is how to deal with negative criticism if you really want it to help shape you in the long haul.
You Can’t Get the Whole World to Like Your Writing
Alas, this is true. There is no one-size-fits-all in writing. Not everyone on the planet is going to “get it.” Sometimes, that’s the wisdom. I’ve gotten one-star reviews on my book. Reviews that stung. Reviews that attacked the one thing I generally feel I have going for me (my voice). I got up in arms about them. It’s human nature.
But I didn’t quit. And I didn’t dilute my unique style to please everyone, because that’s impossible.
You cannot please everyone, and that includes critique partners. Do what you have to do to get over the setback of receiving negative criticism, then forge ahead. Try to learn as much as you can from every critique connection, even those that aren’t going to end up being a good fit.
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